?

Log in

hello? anybody home?

It's been five years since I logged in. But the account is still here. LJ is still here! Any old friends around? I'd be surprised.

My baby isn't a baby anymore. New fan addiction has just taken hold. Reading fic for the first time in years. Might write some... we'll see. Time is not abundant. But who knows?

Apparently, I continue to be a sucker for dark-haired, blue-eyed white guys. Matt Bomer, you are absurdly pretty. I have been watching ridiculous amounts of "White Collar," a sometimes silly, but zippy, fun and highly slashy show. What am I gonna do while I wait for new episodes to come in January?!

the pregnant pause

I've barely been posting here at all, so I don't know how many people are even still reading this journal... It's been a really challenging year for me, with unexpected health diagnoses while trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant as a single mother by choice, plus some family problems, keeping The CillianSite going, and I recently moved, and so on.

But at last I now know I can get pregnant, because for the first time in my life, I am! It's very, very early, and 1 out of 5 pregnancies end in miscarriage, and I'm at high-risk, so we'll just have to see what happens. But I am cautiously super-excited (!).

Sorry that I haven't picked up writing my Cillian/Naomie series, Past Performance Is Not Necessarily a Guide. I want to thank all the readers who took the time to comment and email me about the story during this unexpectedly long hiatus -- it really meant a lot to me. At this point, it's been so long and so much keeps happening in my life that I don't know if I will continue it, but you never know. I did a lot of the writing when I was in bed battling asthma-related infections, and while I've long since broken out of that particular bad run, if by chance I have to do bed rest for pregnancy, you never know what might happen.

Thanks again to everyone who was reading my series and this journal. Public posts are mostly the angsty smut, while friends-only posts have a much wider range of topics. I generally friend anyone who comments on my fic, although unfortunately I usually don't have time to read my whole friends list, and lately I haven't been reading anyone regularly. But if you'd like to be added to my friends list, please make a comment here or on another public post. And feel free to drop me a line anytime.

Tags:

FOR MY SHY READERS: I love to know who's reading this and what you think of it... and though I understand that some of you are embarrassed to publicly comment on such a smutty tale, please consider making a brief squeak of a comment if you like this chapter. You can even delete your comment immediately afterward if you really need to, but I'll still get the email notification, and I'll be one happy writer.

Many thanks go to my beta, lilithilien, who still made time for reading this chapter while on vacation! She rocks.

Title: Past Performance Is Not Necessarily A Guide
Pairing: Cillian Murphy & Naomie Harris from 28 Days Later...
Rating: NC-17 (RPF, Het)
Summary: Cillian and Naomie at her secret second hotel room, continued.
Author's Notes: This one's pretty self-explanatory!
Disclaimer: Wholly fictional. Never happened. I don't know these actors, and believe me, I'm doing this for the obsessive love of writing, not for a single cent.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1: If Looks Could Kill
Chapter 2: A Vulnerable Position
Chapter 3: Already Messy
Chapter 4: Tomorrow Never Knows
Chapter 5: Cill Me Now
Chapter 6: Everything Upended
Chapter 7: Do We Really Have To Talk?

Chapter 8: INTOXICATION, EXALTATION. 'Give me a minute to collect meself. You just about destroyed me,' Cillian sighs. He thinks, 'Christ, that was so wrenchingly rippingly intensely gooood'...Collapse )

A post over at the Brokeback Mountain community wranglers provoked some reflections on the validity of real person slash from me, and I thought I'd share them with y'all.

The one thing I didn't say in my comments is that a heck of lot of Jake/Heath slash is a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation, friend. Especially when they make Jake Gyllenhaal a too-sensitive overly weepy guy. But hell, I'm totally Brokeback obsessed, I love Jake, and so-so smut is often still pretty hot!

Anyway, the BBM poster asked:

"I've noticed a lot of fanfiction posted here, but dealing with the actors, not characters of the movie. I've been reading fanfiction for almost 10 years now (scary thought -- started with the X-Files, then moved to Harry Potter, then HP Slash) and I haven't encountered this amount of actor fiction. Personally, I can't read it. These actors have given us the wonderful gift of bringing Jack and Ennis to life in the movie -- they've done a beautiful job. But shouldn't we be obsessing over the characters (I sure am!), not the actors? The story lives on in the written word and on the screen -- the actors have done their job and moved on. I guess I see it as a bit of an insult to transfer their work of developing and portraying these characters into their everyday lives. I guess I'm just curious why people read/write actor based fiction... Her post continued briefly...Collapse )

I responded:

After a brief opening...Collapse ) But let's consider this from another angle. Isn't the recent film Capote RPF in a way? Aren't all dramatizations of historical figures and non-documentary celebrity biofics essentially RPF? Conversations are imagined, real people are combined into composites for dramatic simplicity, some motivations are emphasized while others are downplayed or ignored, sometimes relationships are invented, and so on and so on. Nonetheless, these works are taken very seriously, and concerns about inaccuracy are often sloughed off as to be expected in the genre. The rest of my comments...Collapse )

short research poll for fic accuracy

I'm hoping y'all can help me out with a bit of research for the next chapter of my Cillian/Naomie fic. My question is this: would it be realistic in the fall of 2001 for one of my two lovely RPF characters to browse the web on a laptop in a hotel room in southern England? I'm pretty sure I was still waiting for DSL to come to my urban neighborhood in the U.S. at that time (and cursing Verizon), but I don't remember what the situation was in hotels -- and I didn't know what it was like across the pond anyway.

Here's a very short poll on the topic of the Internet and the World Wide Wait, circa 4 1/2 years ago... Thanks!

Poll #713588 historical research poll (for fic accuracy)

Did you have a high-speed Internet connection in the fall of 2001?

Yes, I had DSL at home.
4(18.2%)
Yes, I had Internet cable at home.
3(13.6%)
No, I only had dial-up at home.
15(68.2%)

Did you use Internet services while traveling in the fall of 2001?

Yes, I remember using dial-up at a hotel.
2(9.1%)
Yes, I remember that a high-speed connection was available at a hotel.
2(9.1%)
I actually saw wi-fi offered at a hotel in 2001!
0(0.0%)
I otherwise used the Internet while traveling (but not at a hotel or friend's house).
4(18.2%)
Nope.
14(63.6%)

Did you live or travel in Europe in the fall of 2001?

Yes, I lived in England.
2(9.1%)
Yes, I traveled in England.
3(13.6%)
Yes, I lived/traveled in Western Europe.
3(13.6%)
I wish... but no such luck.
14(63.6%)

Did you have a web site in the fall of 2001?

Oh yeah!
11(50.0%)
Nah.
11(50.0%)

Did you spend a lot of time browsing the web then?

Totally addicted.
15(68.2%)
No, I spent much more time on email and list-servs.
4(18.2%)
Don't remember.
3(13.6%)

Were you on livejournal.com in the fall of 2001?

Indeed, I was.
3(13.6%)
I think so... it was some time around then that I joined.
2(9.1%)
No, not yet.
17(77.3%)

I have a suggestion for you about figuring this out...



How is this chapter different from all other chapters? (A weak Pesach joke, sorry.) My astounding beta, lilithilien, rescued this chapter from two-dimensionality and pushed me to make the motivations clearer. (Thank you!!) Please recline, and enjoy.

Title: Past Performance Is Not Necessarily A Guide
Pairing: Cillian Murphy & Naomie Harris from 28 Days Later...
Rating: NC-17 (RPF, Het)
Summary: Cillian arrives at Naomie's hotel...
Author's Notes: Alex is the film's screenwriter, Danny is the director, and Chris plays the ranking officer of the platoon. The friend Naomie mentions is purely fictional.
Disclaimer: So utterly and completely invented. Never happened. I don't know these actors, and my hours and hours of work were entirely unpaid.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1: If Looks Could Kill
Chapter 2: A Vulnerable Position
Chapter 3: Already Messy
Chapter 4: Tomorrow Never Knows
Chapter 5: Cill Me Now
Chapter 6: Everything Upended

Chapter 7: DO WE REALLY HAVE TO TALK? The mobile's ring startles Naomie. When she sees the name on the screen, her heart pounds wildly. With a raspy voice, she answers, 'Cillian?'...Collapse )

Yes, my latest CillianNaomiefic chapter is finally finished!

It turned out really well, thanks to the beta expertise and the thought-provoking insights of the magnificent lilithilien, an idol of mine for sure (see her and her partner-in-crime's amazing _dirtyepic_).

Title: Past Performance Is Not Necessarily A Guide
Pairing: Cillian Murphy & Naomie Harris from 28 Days Later...
Rating: NC-17 (RPF, Het)
Summary: Cillian tries to focus on getting back to work, but he's having trouble putting what happened between Naomie and him out of his mind.
Author's Notes: Danny is the film's director, Chris plays the ranking officer of the platoon. In real life, Cillian has said that he often listened to Radiohead's Kid A during the making of an earlier film; if you own the album, it might be fun to listen to it while reading this chapter.
Disclaimer: Entirely a fictional product of my sex-crazed mind! I don't know these actors and I'm not making any money from this story. All lyrics from songs composed by Thom, Ed, Phil and the Greenwood brothers.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1: If Looks Could Kill
Chapter 2: A Vulnerable Position
Chapter 3: Already Messy
Chapter 4: Tomorrow Never Knows
Chapter 5: Cill Me Now

Chapter 6: EVERYTHING UPENDED. Clad in army fatigues, Cillian sits waiting for the call that Danny and the crew are ready to shoot his one-on-one scene with Chris. He thinks, 'Thank god Naomie's gone back to London for a few days. She was turning me into a walking...'Collapse )

This is a preview of a section of Chapter 6, with a shift in form inspired by lilithilien & _dirtyepic_ (thanks!)

Title: Past Performance Is Not Necessarily A Guide
Pairing: Cillian Murphy & Naomie Harris from 28 Days Later
Rating: R (RPF, Het)
Summary: Cillian receives a note written on hotel stationery.
Author's Notes: The other real person mentioned plays a soldier in the film.
Disclaimer: Completely fictional! I don't know these actors and I'm not making any money from this story.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1: If Looks Could Kill
Chapter 2: A Vulnerable Position
Chapter 3: Already Messy
Chapter 4: Tomorrow Never Knows
Chapter 5: Cill Me Now

Preview of Chapter 6: NAOMIE'S NOTE. 'C, I thought you should know that I ran into Leo on my walk of shame down the hall this morning...'Collapse )

fanfic poll

I thought it would be fun to create my first-ever lj poll. If you've read my fanfic series "Past Performance Is Not Necessarily A Guide," then I'd love it if you'd indulge me and click your way through this brief questionnaire. And please add any additional comments this poll provokes afterward. Cheers!

EDIT: THIS POLL IS STILL ACTIVE, and will be until further notice. Thanks for sharing your feedback.

Oh, and if you missed anything: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

POLL RESULTS SO FAR

Poll #628427 "Past Performance" fanfic feedback

Which chapter was your favorite?

1. If Looks Could Kill - intro
2(6.5%)
2. A Vulnerable Position - drunk lovin' at the pub
4(12.9%)
3. Already Messy - drunk lovin' at the hotel
3(9.7%)
4. Tomorrow Never Knows - anxiety sex dreams
4(12.9%)
5. Cill Me Now - the morning after
4(12.9%)
They all made me hot.
14(45.2%)

Whose point of view do you enjoy reading best?

I prefer to see things through Cillian's eyes.
9(29.0%)
I'd rather be Naomie, having my way with Cillian.
7(22.6%)
Either way it's good -- I like being a fly on the wall.
15(48.4%)

What do you like best about this series?

I read everything I can about Cillian Murphy. Love him!
6(20.0%)
I like that the story stays in a realistic, almost believable zone.
18(60.0%)
The sex is hot -- why else would I read this?!?
3(10.0%)
I'll tell you my favorite thing in a comment below.
3(10.0%)

In future chapters, I'd like to see...

More romance
5(16.7%)
More risk & kinkiness
7(23.3%)
More involving them shooting '28 days later' scenes
0(0.0%)
Conflict on the set as their secret comes out
1(3.3%)
Another sex partner for Cillian, Naomie or both together
2(6.7%)

My fanfic taste generally leans toward...

Slash
8(25.8%)
Het
3(9.7%)
Anything well-written and hot
20(64.5%)

Do you read but not comment?

Yeah, I'm a little weirded out by publicly commenting on an NC-17 story.
3(10.3%)
Well, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say -- I'm a reader, not a writer.
9(31.0%)
Nah, I love to squee.
17(58.6%)

I found this fic by way of...

ljseek.com
2(6.7%)
A Cillian Murphy fan lj community
12(40.0%)
A slash or fanfic community
8(26.7%)
A friend's recommendation
2(6.7%)
Your pushy suggestion, silly!
6(20.0%)

How long should "Past Performance" be?

I think you're almost at the end if you want it to honor the realistic tone. Wrap it up & write another pairing.
5(17.2%)
Keep the affair going! They should buy some goddamn condoms and go for it!
24(82.8%)

"Past Performance..." 5: Cill Me Now

EDIT: Please take my first POLL -- it's about this fanfic series. It's fun and quick -- thnx! You may want to read this chapter first though!

I'm liking this chapter a lot -- had to stop myself from endlessly revising it. And I've got loads of new ideas for the coming chapters.

Friends, your comments are my only reward for my hours of silly work, so please hit me!

Title: Past Performance Is Not Necessarily A Guide
Pairing: Cillian Murphy & Naomie Harris from 28 Days Later...
Rating: NC-17 (RPF, Het)
Summary: All sobered up, Naomie tries to sneak out of Cillian's hotel room.
Author's Notes: Danny is the film's director. Leo is another actor who was drinking with Cillian and Naomie the previous night. I enjoy researching Irish and English slang and phraseology, so as usual there are a few little fun things tossed in; my beta in London is AWOL, so hopefully they're used correctly and there aren't too many out-of-place Americanisms (corrections are eagerly welcomed).
Disclaimer: As should be obvious by now, this is completely fictional! I don't know these actors and I'm not making any money from this story.

Previous Chapters:
Chapter 1: If Looks Could Kill
Chapter 2: A Vulnerable Position
Chapter 3: Already Messy
Chapter 4: Tomorrow Never Knows

Chapter 5: CILL ME NOW. Jostled into semi-consciousness, Naomie awakens to contradictory sensations. Her stomach feels hollowed out and her head is woozy and achy, but her skin tingles with arousal -- a lean, naked body is embracing her from behind...Collapse )